My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
