She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
