i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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