what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
