Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
