When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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