batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
