If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
