I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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