Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
