bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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