yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
