I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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