so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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