it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
