I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
