I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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