Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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