I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
