Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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