so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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