Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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