I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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