It's Friday. Sex?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
