She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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