I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
