Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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