Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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