she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
