I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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