the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
