i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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