If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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