She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
