You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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