Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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