I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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