Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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