you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
