make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
