So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
