So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
