Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
