I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
