11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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