She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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