so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
