so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Ketchup is God's man juice
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
