I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
