My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
