We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
