Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
