So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
