I will die if light touches me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
