I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
