You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
