I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
