4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
