My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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