i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
