Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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