so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
