What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
