Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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