All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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