sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
50% drunk capacity currently
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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