just come out here and I will go home with you...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
