well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
