So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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